Letters to My Daughters | Dearest Lillian and Sophia

This week has been an emotional roller coaster. I feel guilty to some extent posting much about it because my grandmother is a private person and loathes any kind of attention.  My grandmother is also one of the most amazing women I have had the pleasure of having in my life and I owe so much to her. To not address at least ONE of these letters would be doing my girls a big disservice. There is always one person in your life that you admire, you honor and you look up to. Someone you can one million percent call your role model. That special person for me is my grandmother. We grew up in and out of my grandparents house. They were always our soft place to land when I was small.  Most of my childhood memories in fact involve my sweet nanny as I call her. My grandparents inevitably decided to sell their home when they were both retired and moved to Florida to be closer to a lot of my family that resides there.  It was a bit of a shock but they still visited around the summer time and most especially around Christmas time (my grandmother’s favorite holiday) so we got to see them still.  Even then I had many vivid dreams of our childhood home and missed being able to just drop by and see my grandparents whenever the fancy struck which was quite often.  My grandparents were the type that never locked their door.  Their home was always open to anyone and everyone that wanted to visit.  My grandmother cooked for an army and there was always a hot meal waiting.  When that brown house at the end of that quiet street was no longer occupied by my nanny and poppy it was a shock to my system.  Even after they moved I would drive by the house and try to imagine someone else living there.  I learned not to take anything forgranted.  Deciding to move to Colorado it was hard to think we may not be in town as often, even though a good amount of my family lives back East as well but the chance of being able to visit the same time as my grandparents I knew might be tricky. I got to see them this past month when we traveled back East to shoot a wedding and it was amazing to see them healthy and happy. My grandmother had already had a fairly scary health issue that hospitalized her once at the beginning of the year and I knew not to take them or the time with them lightly.  This past week we got a call from home.  My mother tried to reach me first but I was getting the kids ready for their first day of school and missed her phone call. We returned to a very teary Tricia (my baby sister whom lives with us) who told me to sit down. She then told me our nanny had had a stroke.  That she was in the hospital and they had no idea what the tests would tell us. That she was waiting for my mother to call her back. Apparently she didn’t remember her son when they came in to make sure she was okay and was pretty upset understandably and afraid to go to the hospital.  She was taken there regardless (we all pretty much dislike going to the doctor I guess I know where I get that from!) and we learned later that she was going to be okay.  She had lost a good part of her speech and memory but they think with time it will come back. She was released thank god she’s home but my sister went back East to be with her for both of us since I can’t make it back right now. We are already planning a family trip the first moment we can go! Anyhow my children know their nanny and poppy. They don’t see them often but we didn’t know how to break this all to our kids.  I thought I would write this months letter to my girls to really let them know what a special great grandmother they have. I apologize in advance if this gets emotional.  The strange thing for me is I have no recent images of my grandmother with my children which breaks my heart so I have to supplement with images I took of them recently (just the girls) but I included a hand written note my grandmother sent just months a go to me and an image of my grandparents with my baby sister and Lillian at my sisters high school graduation as well because I thought that was important to share. Thank you for letting me open up to you all.

And since this post will be image heavy I am linking up the amazing talented Kirsty Lamour Photography HERE. Be sure to continue in our circle to read so many inspiring letter’s to some of my favorite photographers and people’s daughters!

Dearest Lillian and Sophia,

This letter should be the easiest to write but I apologize in advance because I am having trouble finding the words to really convey what I want to to say to you and how to put all of this.  When I think of all the things I want to teach you, I want to impress upon you a lot of my values and principles, I think of your great grandmother. “Nanny” as you call her just like me. She is the one that really helped mold who I am today. I learned so much from her growing up. Some of them silly, some superstitious but so many life lessons as well.  I also know your nanny has loved you all since the day you came to be.  I remember being lectured Lillian, when I was pregnant with you because I put my hands over my head and she was sure I was going to strangle you with the umbilical cord. Would that have happened? No of course not but I always kept my arms down as an after thought lol! I learned that shoes on the table were bad luck.  I learned how to play mah jong when I was just 7 and how to roll lumpia and make pancakes from scratch when I was 10.. your age Lily.  She used to sit me up on the counter whenever she cooked or baked and let me watch over her shoulder and even take a turn with the hand beater and then when we were done we would clean up together because “a good cook always cleans up their mess.” I remember getting first pick of the beater if there was something good on the end of it.  I remember Christmas time sitting down and wrapping a good 100 candy bars to stick in Santa’s sleigh and I got to sneak one or two because I helped wrapped them. In fact Nanny’s house at Christmas time was a sight to see. I truly wish you could have been at their home around Christmas time.  You couldn’t walk with your arms out. It looked like the north pole had taken up residence at Nanny’s house.  She would buy us all matching Christmas PJS and we would open them together on Christmas Eve and then the entire family would wear them together on Christmas day.. all day. I am sure you all know this tradition its still going strong.

Your nanny is just so special to me. Mommy grew up in and out of Nanny’s home. We struggled quite a bit financially and nanny and poppy always kept their door open. I always had a place with them, a room. My own room.  I watched as Nanny cared for your great great grandmother when she suffered from Alzheimer’s. How painful it was and how she put your nan before herself always right up until she passed. You Lillian actually get your name from Nan. Lillian was Nan’s middle name and it was only appropriate you get that from her since she passed in my 9th month of pregnancy and you would have made 5 generations of women alive in our family. In fact you get Nan’s blue eyes as well. Your nanny always kept a light on and the door open for all friends.  If anyone needed a meal or a place to just relax they were there. She would make this HUGE bowl of homemade popcorn and we all got our own paper plates. I even remember the way she folded them in half as she dipped them in the bowl as a scoop. I even remember the bowl. Always the same huge stainless steel dented bowl. So funny all the memories that come flooding to me as I think of your great grandmother.  Our nanny has the biggest heart.  Truly.  She puts everyone before herself and that very well could be why her health has been in such turmoil this year.  Nanny just suffered what is called a stroke, and mommy is no doctor and I have no ways of finding appropriate words to explain what that is but it isn’t good and its not the first time.  Just know that our nanny is here and she’s okay and I can’t wait to visit her with you so we can all throw our arms around her and tell her how much we love her.  I hope this makes sense, even in a small way. It is said that life is made up of the little things. Well it really is and all the little sweet memories I have of our nanny, and the ones that we will make need to be documented. I just want to tell you everything.  I suspect there isn’t just one letter that could do that justice. I have a lifetime of letters to accomplish that. Just know sweet children that you are blessed indeed. We all are.  We come from a line of strong amazing women and we have women like your nanny to thank for that!!

Love,

Mommy